Love Doctor

by Tina Wu
Dear Tina,
I am a third-year in Cali and I have issues. I’m doing a surgical clerkship right now and my resident definitely seems to be throwing out the vibes, if ya know what I mean. He’s an okay guy and really smart but I’m not sure I’m into him. How should I handle his advances and what can I do now?

Cringing in Cali
Dear Cali,

To your resident, and all the other residents and attendings hitting on medical students working under them: Beware of the resident-med student relationship!

This is a clear recipe for disaster.

Best case scenario: You go out with him. In real life, he’s captivating, knows more than medicine, funny, great dresser, and great in bed. You fall madly in love with each other, he writes you a fantastic evaluation, you go into his field, and you two live happily ever after in hospital heaven.

Worst case scenario: You go out with him, find out that he is dating 6 other medical students, loves to use the power move, holds your evaluation over your head, and to make matters worse, he tells all of his buddies that you have weird bedroom fetishes. You find out that he’s known as the “MedStudent Pimp” and you break up with him. His evaluation says that you are lazy, and unintelligent – translation — bad in bed and stupid for breaking up with him. You fail your rotation and everyone starts calling you’re the “Pee Queen”.

If you think worst case scenario won’t happen, imagine all the scenarios in between failing and falling madly in love. I’m going to bet that since you’re writing an online magazine, you’re not going to fall madly in love with him so let’s handle the best way to gently reject him.

You have to trust that he is adult enough to handle rejection. The again, I thought that a senior resident would be professional enough to realize the ramifications of propositioning a medical student.

If you don’t like him, tell him that you think that he’s great and smart, etc, but you are currently in a relationship. It would be great if you could be friends because you do think that he is a good doctor and a wonderful teacher. You would love to talk with him sometime about the pros and cons of residency, hours, the program, and any other BS hospital talk. You have a lot of friends that you have met on rotations and appreciate the mentorship. Use the words “mentor” and “friends” as much as possible. If you’ve already said to him that you’re single, you’re a big part of this mess. (Note to all: avoid relationship status talks at all costs unless you have a fatty ring). He should understand if you are in a relationship. Then, pretend the conversation never happened and act professionally. If by some chance, he does not get the point, a good kick in the Ben-Wa’s is very effective.

If you do like him, tell him that you would be interested in dating, but you feel that now isn’t the right time, given the circumstances. Maybe you could go out in the future, after the rotation is over (so he can see you as a normal human being, not a pitiful, obedient, eager medical student.)

I would strongly recommend not going out with him regardless of your feelings toward him. Think about it. If you really are a good medical student, you are constantly stroking his ego: laughing at his unfunny jokes, jumping at the opportunity to kiss his feet, repeatedly thanking him for telling you what different acronyms mean. If you can play the game of medical school well, he will get the impression that he can just lay there while you do all the, eh, work. The more you stroke his ego, the better medical student you appear to be. But by becoming an expert stroker, he’s going to think you stroke something else just as eagerly.

The power struggle of the chain of medicine is intimidating at best, and the power abuse is always prevalent. If you did anything that contributed to this awkward uncomfortable moment, don’t let it happen again.

For the residents thinking about asking out a medical student: Never underestimate how obsequious and fake these evaluation-dependent students may act towards you. But, most importantly, don’t forget that we live in America, and in America we have the card that trumps all of medicine: the Queen of Sexual Harassment.